Martha Beck, in her book "Finding Your Own North Star", which I highly recommend, identifies these selves as the social self and the essential self. She defines them like this: "the essential self contains several sophisticated compasses that continuously point toward your North Star (where you were meant to go and how you were meant to live.) The social self is the set of skills that actually carry you towards this goal." This system works great if the two selves are working in harmony. Not many people can experience this harmony. Most of us steer our lives according to what other people think and who end up steering us "off course."
We lose the essential self we were born with...the basic me without any societal pressure or influence and is spontaneous, unique, inventive and playful. The social self develops in a conforming, imitative and predictable way. In my case, I learned very early to conform to my parents' specifications to get approval and it has been exhausting. I still have that part of me that tries to be perfect and "perform" to certain standards. This is my social self. However, lately, I have been letting my essential self out more and more and she is having fun. She is my "cowgirl" and she lets her hair down and she might even go out in public with no make-up (OK, she would at least put on mascara!). She doesn't have to have a perfectly clean house for guests and she can relax more in an interview. She goofs around with her grandchildren.
Which self are you being today? Have you let your essential self come out some and let people see the real you? Try it, and I bet it will change the way you experience your day. For the better....
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